1998 — languivity and lust: a heirachial look back... at sex, love, and the absurdity of store front shopping
By Sean Rose
"Just call me angel of a morning, angel… just call my name before you leave me, baby…" The radio rang out and I sang along. Not that I ever could sing but I gave it my best. The last few days had taken their toll on me and I was happy to let my mind rest and play out such nonsense. I wish I had it in me to do it more, it seems so therapeutic looking back… Anyway, the day was hot as hell, the mountains had flames rising from them everywhere I could see, and all I could do is just stare out mindlessly. Where had the time gone?
Nothing tears through me like her. Nothing. I was sitting in my automobile waiting. I squeezed a small spring to ease my tension. It had been almost three months since I had seen her. I don't understand how I could be nervous about seeing her. The clock said 6:03 PM when she walked out the swinging doors and down the stairs. Beautiful long locks, waving down. Her hair was longer than I had seen it in some time. Small black eyeglasses held yellow glass to fend off the sun's rays. I was in awe. As she entered my car, I could not help but notice her panties through the tight black pants she wore. My god. What an ass! She always was curvy in all the right places. So feminine! Soft and beautiful. It was moments like this that remind me why I live every day to love her. And that was the begin. And I was scared.
Juwel was a peach. Lust I had had with her in the floor of my apartment while another slept on my grandmother's couch. She knew. She had asked me to. So it was OK. To think of her leaving was strange, and hard, for even though I rarely saw her, she had been such an integral part of my young lover's life that I couldn't help but mourn her loss. One thousand miles, even today, is a great distance and won't be traveled often. That is a pity. For it makes just one less reason for my lover to stay here with me. Another has not taken it well. I believe she immediately went into denial. Refusing to see Juwel, not ever uttering a word about it. But that was all then and not now. Now I see them none and things have changed.
Lost now forever hold still can be and was the last thing of the day. All was not my mother said and I believed her. Then in the last gasp of another's day I took it upon myself to bring home Mary and flirt with her baby sister. I beget none. All was well and I watched June below and sighed as she injected yellow powder into her veins. Strange this movie of long ago. I do so admire the clothes. Time falls and now is not now and I am not were. Of this I see some and know less. This I do know. What now she speaks softly to me and my mind races of a day long gone but frozen forever a moment there and I relive it. See her in a day of peace. I am there. Wow. To describe it fleets me, leaves me, but I can see it so... there, a day of shining sun and peaceful stirred wind. Shimmering smiles on delicate lips and I reel end over end over end in this glorious afternoon. And then it was now. And I was no longer. Broken and fixed. It is. I have been on occasion a fickle for a feather and to see them this way now was odd. In the past my childhood was and I remember the vault of bars tucked away the sweet dark warm juice that ran down my cheek. 1000 million cocoa had been crushed to give my soul that extracted bliss. As a drug strung and pulled from the finest silk on earth by unearthen hands. Know not? Hencewith fool. And trust not a soul him and watch him leave in shame. Come gallant one its time to stroll in the sun that is my heart.
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