WVSU Yellow Jacket — Welcome to the new Millenium and the end of the Big Bang
By Sean Rose
I vote for Madonna as saint and savior of the human race. Somebody has to do it, and by all reason, this expanding Universe of ours is going to suck back into a grease spot of dense matter, some sort of gigantic Hoover Hole that is everything and nothing as well. No life, no CD players, nothing. At least until divinity sneezes again and blows star dust all over creation.
Honestly though, somebody or something has to ride on all those space waves being beamed out into "The Great Beyond" by Mir, NASA and the little weird boy down the street that builds stuff in his dad’s garage, so it might as well be Madonna. She has had an enormous impact on our culture and our individual lives. Most would disagree, but that’s OK; you don’t have to be able to recognize something to benefit from it. After all, how long was it before man invented oxygen? I’m pretty sure man was utilizing air and oxygen long before he even had a clue that the air around us was something other than nothing and that the real void started 125 miles overhead.
It seems rather pointless as humans to be beaming out space waves of toaster ovens or automobiles when we aren’t toaster ovens or automobiles. So we have to beam out somebody. It shouldn’t be Time Magazine’s "Man of the Year" either. That’s a stacked deck from the start. "MAN of the Year" ... it’s still plastered all over Time’s website, only one place did I see "Person of the Year." So forget that politically correct segregation.
What graces the cover of your favorite magazine? What sold you on the Cyclotron 2000 vacuum cleaner with a built-in FM radio for your vacuuming pleasure? It’s not the television. More than likely, a woman is smiling on your newsprint and sucking the dollars from your pocket. There’s a very good reason too — Women are hot.
There’s no doubt in my mind a woman should grace the space waves, women are the fairer sex, a woman brought me into this world, and it will probably be a woman that causes me to leave it as well. We men may think we wear the pants, but in reality the ladies call the shots.
Madonna is the perfect woman to represent the human race. I can’t think of another person that has impacted our culture like she has. I don’t think I would have said that when I was spinning "Like a Virgin" on the turntable, but she has risen from her own ignorance and grown in every way a human being can. You have to realize she isn’t just a musician or a performer anymore. She is an icon of our culture and a revolution of our beliefs. What other person has caused so much dialogue on such a wide range of social issues that face us everyday?
Madonna has brought America’s attention to every controversial topic that has come down the pipeline. Because of her, we have openly reviewed and discussed our beliefs on teen pregnancy, HIV and AIDS, acceptance of interracial relations, depression, tolerance and understanding of ALL the world’s religions, personal independence, acknowledgment of human sexuality and masturbation, the right of human free speech and the realization that no person can control another. She has given many people the ability to live personal freedom and love themselves for who they are. I’m sure her role in the public eye has helped break down many people’s prejudices.
Her accomplishments are very impressive. It’s scary that such a wonderful voice of the human race isn’t truly recognized. I bet I’ve got the geek vote though, after all, at 41, Madonna has an unbelievable body that screams self-respect and hard work. Plus, in some form of the Chaos theory, her curves match some pleasing Mandel calculation that will put a smile on every green space alien out there. And back here at home too.
So, Armageddon bring it on. We’ve got our girl. Given the chance, we all might learn something from her and grow. Civilization may become civilized. People may start to love one another. Wait, forget it, there’s no way in Hell. Drop the bomb ... give the green space aliens a chance, I think we blew it.
Love letters and cyber-erotica go to srose@cycline3.com.
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