WVSU Yellow Jacket — Morons of America?
By Sean Rose
Wallace Hall -- WVSC campus -- the year is 2000. I am standing at the elevator waiting to head up to Freds lovely class, and I am staring at a sign about the HIV Film Festival that someone has so delicately taped on the wall. It has the date and the time and all the usual flier features, set in bold text with little words that make my brain like to read it but with one small addition, "HIV is for FAGS." How nice. I want to thank the considerate human that took the time out of his day to correct the flier for me. I was under the impression this film thing was going to spread awareness about one of the most overlooked problems we as a collective society face. But I stand corrected. Its now a public service announcement from Morons of America.
It is hard for me to conceptualize a higher learning facility that has patrons of such a caliber. I would like to think the decision to attend this institution in particular was made out of a desire to learn. After all, WVSC isnt exactly on the party scale with our cousins down at Marshall or up the hollow at WVU. Then again, I am making assumptions about the vast public, something I apparently know nothing about.
Taking action on the charge of Student Leader that has been placed on me by WVSC administration, I have decided to start the WVSC chapter of the Morons of America. This will give enlightened students, like our storys hero, a chance to get together and bond with other closed-minded individuals. Maybe I can learn to have a closed mind too. Also, with the proper documentation and rhetoric, we could get WVSC funding for our favorite student activities -- gay bashing, defacement of public property and the suppression of minorities. Sounds excellent and as the President of our new student organization, I will have one more activity to add to the college experience and my resume.
WVSC Morons of America will support our members by providing free beer and propaganda pamphlets that they can distribute to nonbelievers. We will also organize group activities so we can make fun of people in large numbers, therefore bypassing all of our deep-rooted personal problems. It will be so much fun. Just think about it, with a little hard work and some gay activists to make fun of, we could get famous. We might even get our own website. Im thinking this is going to be big.
So, if you are interested in signing up, drop me a line at srose@newwave.net. Please include complete information on all the groups you hate so I can tailor this new organization to our student body. So, if you are really afraid of homosexuality, write "I hate queers," or if you are antireligious, try "I hate Jews, Catholics, Buddhists, Christians and them other weirdos that walk around the airport in a ladys nightgown." After I have collected this information, I will gladly put your name on a public roster listed complete with all of the groups you hate and the things you dislike. It will be great, picture your name emblazoned on the wall in BIG letters showing your pride in being ignorant of the world around you. You might even win a prize, say a good public beating or having your car keyed. It will be worth it though, because you will be a member of Morons of America!
I am an american artist.
Thank you for spending your time and hard earned money with me, here and in the real world. You can contact me, hire me, read about me or just check out my jeep.
