WVSU Yellow Jacket — Murphy's Law, Dr. Carter's electromagnetic radiation and the great Yellow Jacket office theft
By Sean Rose
As an employee of The Yellow Jacket, I periodically have to write hard news stories. That means getting out there and pounding the pavement, calling people on the telephone and conducting interviews so that I can have a real newsworthy story when I am done.
Murphy’s Law states something like "Upon starting any important task, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." I would like to add, "and things that can’t go wrong, will also go wrong."
Well, in pursuit of a story, I had the pleasure of interviewing our institution’s President, Dr. Hazo Carter. I would like to say that Dr. Carter was very easy to talk with, and he gave me an excellent interview. I appreciate his time very much.
My interview was approximately twenty-five minutes, all of which I thought I was recording on my mini-disc recorder. Note that I said, "thought." I have used this fine portable device to make numerous CD quality recordings all over this fine city of ours. It works like a charm, except as Murphy and I have collaborated, when I am in the presence of Dr. Carter.
That’s right. Twenty-five minutes of static. I have tried to reproduce this static effect but my mini-disc only gives me tried and true, crystal clear digital recordings.
This leads me to believe that Dr. Carter has an abundant electromagnetic radiation field around him that caused my mini-disc to malfunction. Maybe Dr. Carter is housing a space alien in his body. Who knows? All I can say is it has been a hell of a start this semester, and I’m glad I took notes.
But that’s certainly not the only weirdness to arise this semester. We have a small bulletin board outside The Yellow Jacket office that is home to some news clips, pictures and ads for available positions with The YJ.
This past week we had a theft from our fine board. Someone took the time to literally carve my photo from the board. The photo in question is of the author in a dress with a giant monster head taken at a Halloween party. The criminal took a pushpin and carved my fine frame from the picture leaving only the background.
That’s psychotic behavior. OK, for sure. Now, I’m not sure which scenario bothers me more, but the perpetrator is either a man or a woman.
That means there is a Superdude walking around getting all excited about me in a dress with a monster head thinking I’m a foxy lady, or there is some delusional college girl with my picture over her bedroom mirror that’s getting all excited about my legs in panty hose. Hmm, you know, that second part doesn’t sound as bad as I thought it would.
So the honest thing for this person to do is return the photo. But I don’t want them to. If my picture is in the hands of Superdude, then please Superdude, know that I am a guy, destroy the picture and don’t tell your friends you thought I was a girl, they won’t understand. If my picture is in the hands of the crazed college girl, my email is srose@cycline3.com, and you should promptly get in touch with me so we can discuss this matter in more detail, perhaps in person.
Until next time kiddies, send all your glorious comments and news of the weird to srose@cycline3.com.
I am an american artist.
Thank you for spending your time and hard earned money with me, here and in the real world. You can contact me, hire me, read about me or just check out my jeep.
