WVSU Yellow Jacket — Violence sucks, sex rules. Rent a XXX film today!
By Sean Rose
After spending a couple days in the hospital reflecting and then sitting through Jean-Claude Van Damme’s gem of a film "Double Team" for the second time, I had the amazing realization that the majority of American culture sucks.
Violence consumes us. In less than 5 minutes of "Double Team" footage, 16 people were violently killed with guns, including a mother and her 6-year-old child. Top that off with some terrible acting and a huge budget and you get your standard fare, formulated Hollywood hit.
It’s no wonder there has been a year of media coverage on Columbine, either. The American public is made up of nothing but Vampires. Everyone wants to beat the hell out of someone else and be the star of the 6 o’clock news. "Look daddy, I took your gun to school today and blew little Molly’s throat out." "That’s great son, I am so proud of you." No one wants a rosy ice cream cone coated baseball game on prime time.
Then they call me the sick pervert. I’m the one who is going to hell for watching "Lolita" and thinking that young Ms. Swain is highly shagadelic. "That’s sick dude. She’s like 16 or 17 years old in that film. I’m gonna’ have to wonder about you now. And stay away from my sister." All because Mother Nature gave me a "humongous" sex drive and Ms. Swain a ready-to-go body before it’s really legal in our violent society.
It reminds me of the old joke some famous person said that really isn’t so funny if you think about it — "If you cut a woman’s breast off with a sword, your movie is rated "R", but if you kiss it and make sweet love to her, it’s rated X." So here’s the deal. Our teens can go see "Slash: Just Like "Scream" but Better", but they can’t go see "Clockwork Orgy." Go figure.
Why don’t we just hand our teens a 9mm for their 16th birthday and take them out for a family drive by. Maybe if we start murdering together, the world will become a better place. Don’t you think?
The crowd roars, "Kill that madman! He’s advocating pornography to our kids!" Yes, I am. Let those kids see some naked bodies before they decide to go blow each other’s heads off because of the color or brand of their clothes.
I am saying Porn isn’t bad. It shouldn’t even be considered offensive. How can two human beings doing the procreation polka be offensive? Almost everyone does it and almost everyone REALLY likes to do it. You wouldn’t be reading this if someone didn’t do it. So why is it so bad?
Why is the adult film industry so criticized and poorly funded? Where is the Hollywood XXX blockbuster? I’d go.
Also, the actors in adult films aren’t going to burn in hell for getting it on on Sony Hi-8 either. They aren’t. So deal. As a matter of fact, no one is going to burn in hell because of making "Natural Born Killers" or "Traces of Death." They are, however, making it hell on Earth for those of us smart enough to like sex and being happy.
Tell yourself and your kids about sex. Encourage them to have sex and to be safe. Tell them not to watch The "Matrix" and to go shoot someone. That’s bad, un-kay. Rent yourself some XXX films and get laid back with your favorite partner and have sex yourself. You will be happier, everyone wins and the world is a better place for it.
Oh, again, don’t forget, do not go shooting anybody.
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